I wonder what people will think?
I’ve been sharing some of the characteristic traits of Highly Sensitive Introverts in my last couple emails and fear of judgement is most definitely one of them.
I feel like I’ve been personally working on this one since I was a rebellious teen, wearing wild punk rocker clothes, and snarling at my mom with bravada:
I don’t care what anyone thinks! This is how I like to dress and if they think it’s weird, SO WHAT!
But underneath I cared greatly what people thought. And I still have moments when I hesitate to follow through on an idea or think twice about the clothes I’m putting on because of some vague worry about “what everyone will think”.
Wanting to please others is a common trait of HSPs. And while it can feel good to help someone out, support a friend, etc., if you are always putting others’ needs ahead of your own, eventually it leads to both burnout and resentment. Neither of which are a positive thing for your relationship.
Some other related traits that can be challenging for Sensitives—and used to plague me—are saying no, setting boundaries, and being overly conscientious. It was so hard for me to choose what I really wanted and needed if I felt like it put someone else out.
For example, the elementary school my kids’ went to used to send an email every week—sometimes every day—asking for volunteers to come in to serve lunch to the kids and clean up afterwards.
Every week I felt so guilty and almost ashamed when I deleted that email because I knew they needed help. But working the lunch line just wasn’t a match for me and how I wanted to help out. I did it once and found that out.
Here’s what I finally realized: I am more valuable when I'm offering my time in a way that fits for me. That and someone always steps up. In other words, the kids never went hungry because I didn't go in to serve lunch.
But oh my, how I wrestled with the guilt!
My over-conscientious conscience was not calm and content about that! Early on in the six years my kids were there the guilt was strong. I felt like I was the only parent not doing lunch duty and that people were talking about my lack of helpfulness.
Silly, I know, but this sense of over-responsibility is strong in Sensitive Introverts.
Along the way in the later years I found some excellent tools for loosening the grip of the "What Will People Think? Syndrome". I can assure you that even if it strikes there are ways to get free from the pressure.
I’m really excited be offering more on this in my new program: Sensitivity Source Code.
This 8-week online program is a way to dip your toes into understanding and celebrating your temperament.
Maybe you weren't ready for something big when registration for my 9-month program rolled out in September. That's okay and I applaud you for knowing yourself. Really!
But if you feel ready to start supporting your neurological system and put an end to the habits that sabotage it, this is for you.
Sensitivity Source Code is an 8-week program that gives you tools and information in little bite-size chunks.
It’s that simple!
If you’d like to add private coaching sessions to receive more individualized support for integrating the techniques you can add that too.
I look forward to supporting you!
To see what it's like to coach with me, schedule your complimentaryconsult. Just click the button below and choose a time!