This week I was led to make another really hard decision. I hesitate to tell you the nitty-gritty details of reforming my people-pleasing ways, but I think you might relate.
Last week, I chose to say no to an invitation for a professional gig so I could put my energy toward the work I love. This week it involved stepping away from a relationship in order to be true to myself.
The other person brought elements of chaos, struggle, and scarcity to the partnership—things I recently vowed I was done with. When you make a commitment to let go of beliefs that no longer serve you, the Universe gives you ways to practice.
Like when you say you're going to eat really healthy for the next week starting today and then come home to find your kids have made double chocolate brownies with chocolate ganache frosting. But I digress.
Anyway, I was at first uncertain what to do, so I tapped into my intuition to gain clarity on the situation. For me, my inner guidance is like a deep, quiet, internal knowing. It feels solid and right.
The problem is, I don’t always like what it tells me because it doesn’t follow the people-pleasing principles I've learned.
But if I get really honest, I know my intuition is right.
I’ve sometimes made decisions that were wrong for me because I did what someone else wanted me to do, or what I thought I should do, or what would keep me in good graces.
I can confidently say that making life choices from this mindset does not have a good track record for me. It always ends up somewhere between bad and disastrous. But still, when faced with displeasing someone, it can seem easier to just ignore that little voice inside and do what they want when you're a people-pleaser.
What I saw this time was that if I did what my intuition was telling me, what I knew deep down was right for me, the other person would be unhappy and hurt.
But if I did what they wanted and continued the partnership, I'd be compromising the agreements I’d made with myself to end unhealthy patterns.
My inner wisdom said Do what's right for you! My people-pleasing side said How can you put your needs above theirs? How selfish!
This clashing of ideas felt awful. My stomach churned and I couldn't sleep soundly.
I journaled, meditated, pulled wisdom cards—hoping there was some way that would make the other person happy and maintain my values.
But I got the same message over and over again. Step away, step away, step away.
I still didn’t like that answer, so I continued to search.
Recently I’ve been using a resource from Dialectical Behavior Therapy that promotes healthier relationships. I hoped maybe it could help me solve my dilemma.
These statements jumped off the page!
I may want to please people I care about, but I don’t have to please them all of the time.
The fact that I say no to someone does not make me a selfish person.
I can still feel good about myself, even if someone else is annoyed with me.
REALLY? Can I feel ok about myself even if I disappoint someone? Isn't it terribly selfish? Couldn’t I just ignore that little voice even if it’s not the best for me?
All these things were swirling in my head, but at the bottom there was the quiet voice of inner guidance: Say no thank you, kindly and lovingly, and then step away.
I knew it was true—that I needed to do what was right for me. So that’s what I did. I listened to my intuition. I went with my gut. Even though it was really hard to know I'd be disappointing the other person.
I didn’t hear from them for what seemed an eternity. My thinking turned fear-based and I braced for the anger and shaming words that I imagined were to come.
But that’s not what happened.
What happened followed another DBT statement:
If I refuse to do a favor for someone, that doesn’t mean I don’t like them. They’ll probably understand that too.
A message finally came back saying, I’m so sorry this won’t work out right now and grateful for all I've learned from you. You're a lovely person and I wish you all the best.
Friend, I know firsthand these things are not easy to do. I get that. But imagine for a minute what your life would look like now, if you’d kindly, gently said no thank you to all the people and things in your life that didn’t align with your truth.
Who would you be if you’d listened to the small, quiet voice within guiding you toward your purpose?
Right. We’d all be quite different people.
I also am compelled to say, with blatant discrimination against women and other marginalized folx raging in the world, that we must stop worrying about what others will think and continue to raise our voices and speak our truth.
If you feel yourself holding back out of fear, I encourage you to reach out to a sister who can help you stay connected to your vision, who will reflect your gifts and what you're being called to bring into the world.
We need you and what is uniquely yours to bring. Getting side-tracked to maintain someone else's comfort doesn't bring your gifts to fruition.
The next time you need to make a choice, listen to your inner wisdom. If you can't hear it, get with a good friend who will help you listen more deeply.
What I’m sharing with you today feels pretty scary, but I’m doing it anyway. (Read on, and you’ll find out why.)
With all the growth that spring offers, over the past month or so I’ve felt an unshakable urge to make significant changes in my life.
So, for April’s full moon, I decided it was time to commit. But I knew that creating change for myself wouldn’t come from trying to figure it out in my head. I needed to connect with a larger force.
I decided to do a fire ceremony I had learned while working with a shaman many years ago.
I began by reflecting on what needed releasing to move forward.
After some reflection, the answer became clear. I was ready to get rid of any and all traces of approaching my life from Struggle, Scarcity, and feeling Inept. (Ok, that’s hard for me to admit, but I really want to share that with you!)
The words galvanized me.
I created a small bundle made from twigs, leaves, words, and twine that represented Struggle, Scarcity, and Ineptitude—the three things I was ready to release for good. To burn away these limits and clear space for change, I would offer this bundle to the fire.
When darkness fell I built the fire, slowly, thoughtfully meditating on what I was about to do. Because throwing things into the fire is serious business.
As the fire began to blaze, I called the four directions, the heavens and the earth, and my ancestors to be there with me. I danced around the fire, letting Struggle, Scarcity, and Ineptitude build within my being.
It was intense and there were tears—I kid you not. And when I couldn’t bear to hold onto them one second longer, I cast my bundle into the fire.
Whoosh—in a flash it was consumed by flames!
Like magic, I instantly felt Ease, Abundance, and Capability flow into every part of me.
I danced around the fire again—this time with joy! Everything looked incredibly appealing through a lens of Ease, Abundance, and Capability.
If you’re still with me, you might be wondering how I know this change was real.
Life offers tests.
Recently, I was invited to do a gig that I’m really good at, but that doesn’t align with my purpose.
For a few days, I considered saying yes.
Because even though this gig has always left me exhausted, I thought to myself, Just do it… make things easy for them... receive payment with a smile.
After dragging my feet for a few days, it hit me: Saying yes would come from a place of Struggle, Scarcity, and feeling Inept.
And that was the old me.
The new me chooses differently. And my answer became clear.
Saying no felt so uncomfortable. Risky. Scary. Selfish. But I knew it was the right thing to do.
As I sat down to write the “no thank you” email, my chest was tight and heavy. I re-wrote it half a dozen times. Finally I just said it straight out: Thank you for asking, but I’m unavailable. And, I’ve refocused my business and will be unavailable for this gig going forward. I wish you all the best.
Even though I knew it was the right choice, I hovered over the send button for what seemed like forever, agonizing over how this would impact them.
Finally, I pressed Send.
And an amazing thing happened.
The tight and heavy feeling transformed to open and light. By acting from Ease, Abundance, and Capability, I felt free and had a surge of energy.
No Struggle. Just commitment to my path.
I did a little happy dance in my office and leaned into the sensation of expansion, and saying yes to those things that will enable me to have the bigger impact I’m meant for.
Setting new boundaries and taking those first steps into the new version of me was scary. But I survived. And by choosing my path of Ease, Abundance, and Capability, new doors have opened and I’m loving every moment of it.
Springtime brings change that, in general, is easy to accept. The cold temperatures give way to warmth, the dormant plants begin to bud and flower. Even the rain is welcome, bringing a palette of greens that dazzle the eye.
Is change this well-received in your inner life?
While you might enjoy digging out warm-weather clothes, personal growth such as changing your belief system or thought patterns probably isn't something you've got on your calendar.
The thing is, if what you’re looking for is new energy or a fresh outlook to bring vibrancy to your world, personal growth is where it’s at. New spring clothes, fresh tulips on the table, or taking out your sandals are only very temporary lifts to the spirit.
The only thing constant is change.
It’s funny that humans can be so resistant to transformation. Everything in your life is dynamic and it often takes less effort to go with the flow than it does to try to stop everything and shut it down.
True story. One of my daughters was extremely resistant to change when she was young. I wanted to move the bookcase with all the kids’ books from one of the bedrooms out to the living room where we did the most reading. She thought this was a terrible idea. I proposed that we try it for a little while and see how we liked it. When I went to move it I found she had tied herself with rope to the bookcase and taped up signs saying DO NOT MOVE all over the bookcase. Talk about resisting change!
It's not good or bad, it just is.
One thing you can do is accept change as the norm rather than an unusual random occurrence. When you have a situation where you need to move forward, try to just experience it rather than judging it good or bad.
When you let labels direct your reactions to your life you’re not coming from the highest version of yourself. If you can commit to integrating what you’re learning without judgement you can stay more present and be open to what it will bring for you.
This evening is the new moon. For the next two weeks until the full moon it's a wonderful time to put effort into new ventures, ideas, and growth. It’s a rich time for setting intentions to become more aware, responsible, proactive, and present.
Where are you in your life right now? What is working, what is not? Where do you sense the need for change? When you grow your awareness and clarity of the present, it can help you see what changes need to happen and how to do that with ease. This is where working with a coach can be incredibly helpful. Having a compassionate guide to view the situation with kind and objective eyes and ask bold questions that lead to your next aha moment is so valuable.
Embrace change with ease and grace.
As for the Big Bookcase Move, in the end we did try the bookcase in the living room and after a few days we all—even the resistant daughter—decided we liked it better there, so it stayed… until the next time we decided to move it!
Thanks to the Power Path, School of Shamanism, and Michelle Motuzas for insights.
Much of the personal growth work I do, and support my clients in doing, focuses on shedding the limiting beliefs that keep us from moving forward.
Limiting beliefs constrain you in some way. They’re concepts which you’ve come to believe as truth, but are so deeply ingrained that they can be mistaken as facts. These beliefs are often nothing more than conclusions you’ve drawn based on your childhood experiences. They focus on your self-identity, capability, and worth, and keep you from reaching your full potential due to how they inhibit you.
During childhood these beliefs may have served you, and that’s why you held onto them for so long. But as an adult, these beliefs may no longer serve a purpose. In fact, they can actually become a hindrance when they’re no longer compatible with your life or circumstances. Your life has undoubtedly changed, but if your beliefs have remained constant, it can be why you’re feeling stuck in the present.
Another thing about limiting beliefs is that they’re innocuous. They don’t stand out and shout, Look at me! I’m messing up your life! They hide in the shadows and make you think you’re being smart, cautious, and discerning about your choices. That you’re keeping yourself safe or putting your commitment to your family first or keeping your nest egg safe from a hair-brained idea.
Here are some common limiting beliefs:
I don’t deserve love/getting my needs met/money/success.
I don’t have time.
I’m not creative.
I don’t want people to judge me.
I’ll sound stupid.
I don’t have the skills.
I just got lucky this time.
I don’t know enough.
Even if I’m successful, I won’t be able to sustain it.
I’m just going to fail, I shouldn’t even bother to try.
People won’t take me seriously because I’m too young/too old/a woman/fat/thin/not an expert…
Even if I work hard at it I’ll never be good enough.
I can’t do that because I have kids/don’t have the money/need to take care of my parents.
I’m just not motivated.
I don’t have the energy.
I don’t even know where to start.
These may or may not look familiar to you, but if you stay aware the next time you’re making a decision about something that’s meaningful to you or moving you in the direction of your dreams, I’m quite certain you’ll find one of these limiting beliefs at the bottom of your decision-making.
If you accept a limiting belief, then it will become a truth for you.
—Louise Hay, author, healer, publisher, and a founder of the self-help movement
Awareness is always the first step in making changes. You can’t shift something you don’t even know exists. But once you’re conscious, then what?
See if you can identify if that belief is serving you in some way now. It can also be helpful to uncover how you developed this belief and how it protected you. Most limiting beliefs come about in childhood and are used to keep us safe.
Next is to ask yourself what you really want? What are the dreams, goals, contributions that are truly meaningful to you?
And finally, to create an empowering belief to replace the limiting belief. This can become almost like a mantra. When you hear that voice in your head saying, You don’t deserve to take time for a walk on this fine spring day—you haven’t knocked half the things off your to-do list yet! you are alerted. This is exactly what I’m hearing as I sit here writing while it’s finally warm and sunny in my neck of the woods.
Now you know your limiting belief has kicked in. It can be very powerful and even shaming: You can’t take time to care for your needs. You need to keep working. Don’t be a slacker!
The empowering belief I’ve adopted is something like: When I make space to care for myself I’m more motivated, efficient, and engaged. To do my best work I need downtime.
Whether you think you can, or you think you can't—you're right.
—Henry Ford, business magnate
I actually grapple with almost every day. Growing up I was taught that taking care of yourself is selfish and if there’s any work to do you should take care of that first before you do anything pleasure-based.
My dad was a small business owner who also had a couple low end rental buildings. He was always working. I learned from him that while it was honorable to work for yourself, it was hard and took all your time, and even when you worked really hard you didn’t make bank, and that’s just how life was. I think one of his limiting beliefs was that he didn’t feel he deserved to be successful or make a lot of money.
My dad died of cancer at 79 and never really slowed down to enjoy the freedom of being your own boss and calling the shots.
Consequently, I inherited many of many of those same limiting beliefs. One of the most devastating for me as an HSP is around taking time for self-care. The first step was awareness and identifying the voice in my head. It would say, You don’t have time to do something selfish like go for a run in the middle of the work day! Sit down and finish all the things on your list first!
Once I knew what was happening I could pause and choose to make a decision that was right for me, but I have to admit that it’s something I still struggle with. But when I started realizing that I was much more effective, efficient, and engaged when I got exercise and time in nature it made it easier to give myself the space and time for that.
Then I created an empowering belief or ideal message for myself to replace the “get back to work” message. It’s something like, Remember, when your needs are met you can accomplish so much more. It changes a little from day to day depending on what I need to hear.
Now I’m at a point of amassing evidence so that if I drag my feet or the limiting belief has a greater hold on me one day I can whip out my history of success to overcome my hesitance. I tell myself, The days when you make time to get outside and move your body are the ones you’re the most creative, positive, and effective. Go!
I believe that change can happen instantly when we’re committed, but I also know that changing the thought patterns, habits, and brain connections takes time. Because of this, I’m compassionate with myself when I skip a day or realize I’m creaky because I’ve missed a couple yoga classes. Beating yourself up does not help you move forward. Compassion, honesty, and uncovering old beliefs that no longer serve, does.
The amazing thing is that when you're no longer fighting to uphold the limiting beliefs you free up energy to use for other things.
In freeing ourselves from words, beliefs, and attitudes that block us, we choose the path of life. We free ourselves to create from a clean slate, from a belief that all things are possible. This act takes a tremendous amount of courage, just as creating a future free from our past wounds takes a tremendous amount of courage. It can be exciting to think about all the opportunities you can create for yourself.
—Sandra Ingerman, author, healer, and shaman
Last week I talked about embracing change. This can be difficult when you’re stuck in some way—and there are a lot of ways to be stuck! That’s especially true when you perceive being in a rut as something negative that's beyond your control instead of a signal to your psyche that something needs to shift.
I want to share with you three common roadblocks that can keep you marching in place, and a suggestion for moving past each one.
When you fear the outcome of taking action it can be challenging to make a move. You might fear what others will think, or fear that you’re not enough. Maybe you fear you won’t like the change, or that it might be too hard for you, or that you don’t know enough and you need to be certain of everything before you can make a move. Maybe it's just that it seems easier to stay stuck than anything else. Any of those could slow you down; more than one might be totally paralyzing.
The good news is most of your fears are unfounded. Steven Pressfield explains it as Resistance in The Art of War, and it shows up as any kind of roadblock in your way. Psychologists say it’s your Ego trying to keep you safe from the unknown. Evolutionary biologists talk about how your fight/flight/freeze response gets triggered now by things that aren’t really dangerous.
The reason for your fears doesn’t really matter. What’s important is that you recognize them as mere thoughts and don’t let them keep you stuck.
Suggestion: Simplify everything down to two simple forces, LOVE and FEAR, and choose to go with LOVE. Use that as the lens to look at your thoughts and to make choices on your actions. If you come from LOVE—for yourself, for others, for the universe—things feel expansive, possible, even warm and fuzzy. What would be an exciting, slightly expansivel next step if you use LOVE as your guide and let go of fear?
Highly sensitive people are masters of overthinking. You may have realized how much time gets sucked up by rolling possibilities around and around like marbles in your brain. In some ways this connects to fear, because you want to be totally sure you’ve thought through every possible trajectory before you make a choice. Or maybe you imagine every response each person in your world might have to the action you take. Honestly, none of this is helpful. It doesn’t help you take action, it just keeps you in the rut. The sooner you can recognize when you’re spending too much time on the same question, the better.
Suggestion: Set a timer for how long you’ll spend to research or think about a certain decision. Fifteen minutes for something small, a couple hours for something larger. List pros and cons, write down probable outcomes, get facts that are relevant. When the timer goes off, stop. Set the timer again for 1-5 minutes and use that time to choose your next action. If you can’t decide by the end of that time, flip a coin representing the two top answers, and follow through on whichever one you get. If later on you receive more information and feel another choice is better, that’s fine. You can always switch it up if there’s a good reason. The point is to get out of analysis paralysis and do something.
LACK OF WORTH.
Feeling like you’re undeserving of the good things in life is a showstopper. It’s often connected to putting everything and everyone ahead of yourself. When you get all that taken care of there’s little time or energy left for you and so your dreams and ideas go to the bottom of the list—every time. Sometimes there’s the self-defeating question Who am I to think I can/should/deserve _______ ?
These limiting thoughts are often leftover from childhood when, as a highly sensitive child, you took in unkind and erroneous information from others and it lodged deep in your belief system. You may have ideas about yourself that no longer serve you. In fact, they do the opposite, they sabotage you.
Suggestion: Take time to discover what it is you truly desire.
What would you do if you knew you could not fail?
If there were no restrictions on time, money, energy, or education, what would you love to try?
If you go back to the dreams you had as a child or adolescent, which ones still hold excitement for you?
Now remind yourself that there’s a mission you’re here to complete that no one else can do because it’s uniquely yours to carry out. To ignore this dream is a huge loss, not only to you, but to the world that awaits it. You are worthy and deserving of bringing this vision to fruition. What is the first baby step you want to make in moving closer to your dream?
Above all, remember to be kind to yourself. Beating yourself up when you realize how long you’ve been standing still is not helpful in any way. Be grateful for the awareness you have now and the opportunity to take action, all the while practicing self-compassion.
New moon, new season, new beginnings. Everything around you is showing signs of change and renewal. The energy of the New Moon just a couple days ago is still showering us with possibilities. The suggestion from the wise ones for this time is to re-examine what your current life looks like and see what needs to change.
Change comes easily to some and less so to others. I’m a change-maker by nature—as long as I’m calling the shots! When the shifts are less clear, uncertain, or unknown, then I have the usual fears come up.
What if ________ happens? Do I have what it takes to accomplish this? What if I don’t like how it turns out? Do I have to? Can't I just stick with the devil I know?
Do you hold back when you feel change coming?
Rather than resisting and trying to keep things the same, what would it look like to embrace the dynamic nature of life? What might you see if you were actively looking for places where you could turn disappointment or frustration into something positive or proactive?
Where would you like to be open to doing things differently?
In my own life I’m looking to see if there are issues I’m avoiding, if I’m maybe taking on things that aren’t mine, and where old patterns that I've been ignoring are no longer serving me.
When you come across a place that’s not aligned with your values or who you want to be there are many ways to work with that.
You might journal on it, meditate with a question in mind, or just sit with it for a while and see where your mind takes you. You don’t have to know what to do or what to change immediately. Just allow some space to explore, be aware, and let yourself to open to the possibilities.
To paraphrase the wise Greek philosopher Heraclitus of Ephesus, the only thing constant is change. As much as you may want to dig in your heels to keep things the same, generally speaking, you can’t. The universe is dynamic so you may as well be in the flow.
Ultimately, it comes down to how you use your energy, which, when you're highly sensitive is a really important topic. Do you want to focus on keeping things status quo or be proactive in embracing the winds of change?
Change is inevitable, but you get to decide how you respond.
I received an incredible insight this week. I was pondering how to deepen my ability to receive, in every sense of the word.
The answer that came was simple, and yet so profound, as the best revelations always are.
I was told: Consider Everything a Gift.
Everything you use, eat, experience, see, enjoy, cry over, do, partake of, ponder. Everything. The weather of the day, the comforts of your home, the joys and trials of your relationships. All of it. Look upon each thing as a gift.
These are wise words for me since sometimes receiving can be a bit of a struggle. Giving, I have no problem with, but getting, well, that’s different. I’ve become more comfortable with graciously receiving compliments, but there’s more work to be done.
What about when someone gives you a surprise gift and you’ve gotten nothing for them in return? Hard. What about when a friend helps you out in some way and you don’t know when or how you’ll repay the favor? Uncomfortable.
But when the shoe’s on the other foot and you’re the one giving, it’s pleasurable and easy, right? That’s how I feel. I’m happy to help, give, assist—without thinking about any kind of reciprocity.
And then there’s the idea of remembering to acknowledge the regular things in your life as a gift. Your morning yogurt, a healthy houseplant, the mud the dog tracked in. In order to do this you must be mindfully present which, admittedly, can be a challenge. What I’ve found though is that making the effort to live in this kind of moment-by-moment gratitude feels amazing.
What about when you just can’t see the gift in that three-foot ridge of snow the plow left at the foot of your driveway? Well, ok, that stinks. But what if while shoveling you reconnect with your neighbor and commiserate about the snow plows and share a laugh after a long winter of hibernation? That’s a gift, right?
I was told: Giving is Sacred.
I was told to honor everything I give as a gift as well. Conversations, donations, meals I cook for my family, emotional support, a look of love, a loaned book, advice, everyday kindness, a hug. What if you could offer your words as if you’re speaking a love letter?
Sure, you give these things all the time, but do you think of them as special gifts? Do you have the intention of giving with the thoughtfulness of a special offering? I must admit that I haven’t done this in the past, but I’ve started now and it’s a wonderful experience to infuse sweetness into everything, whether you’re gratefully receiving or generously giving. Each connection feels like a gift.
I’ve noticed, coincidentally, that I have a teacher on this subject living right in my house. My daughter is an expert at receiving—as well as giving.
The other morning she came down to the fresh bread I’d made for breakfast and when she saw the loaf she smiled and squealed. Then she kind of danced over to the island where it was cooling and leaned her ear in close. “I love to hear how it crackles when it comes out!” she exclaimed.
Later she cooed over how cutely the dog was curled up in his favorite chair, and took a few moments to gaze adoringly at him and then whisper sweet words while scratching his ears.
That afternoon she told me she wasn't chosen to compete in the sectional speech meet, but several of her friends were. “I want to go cheer them on. I’m excited that I’ll get the chance to hear them speak since usually I’m busy doing my speech and miss all the others. It’ll be fun!”
My kid is not always positive. Trust me, no Pollyanna’s live here. But I realized that when it comes to appreciating all the gifts in life, she’s an expert and so I’ve silently signed up for lessons.
Anxiety, fear, and worry, along with their cohorts overthinking and overwhelm, make a formidable crew for highly sensitive introverts. These bad boys kept me from experiencing the life I wanted to have for many, many years. I guess I have to hand it to them — they did a great job!
As I’ve unraveled how they work over my brain, and learned ways to lessen their impact, I’ve been able to find some gratitude for them too. I get it now that they actually mean well and are trying to protect me, it’s just that I don’t need the kind of protection they offer — the kind which kept me from doing the things I really wanted to do because I felt like anything new was a threat to my safety.
Obviously, these feelings are not actual people with personalities as I’ve alluded to here. They’re states of over-arousal due to your highly sensitive neurological system that get activated when it senses that there’s some kind of threat.
Since we no longer live in a world where giant mastodons and saber tooth tigers are big dangers for us, we rarely need to be on high alert and using our fight, flight, or freeze response. In other words, anxiety, fear, and worry due to heightened arousal of the nervous system aren’t necessary to our survival.
How can we turn these guys into allies then?
We welcome them.
Yes, you read that right. We welcome them and use their presence as a signal that we need to slow down to stay in our thinking brains which make sound decisions.
Jennifer Shannon, cognitive behavioral therapist and author of Don't Feed the Monkey Mind: How to Stop Anxiety, Fear, and Worry, says,
All emotions have a beginning, middle and an end. When we learn to relax into discomfort we are able to process it. When we respond to anxiety by welcoming it rather than reacting to it, we calm the monkey mind. We send a message that says, I got this one.
With practice, it learns not to press the panic button every time you are reminded of a potential threat. Your anxiety decreases. In the welcoming state, we are in a much better position to take wise, thoughtful and effective action.
Most of the HSPs that I meet and coach say, If I could just get free of anxiety/fear/worry and stop my brain from overthinking every last thing, and get out of constant overwhelm, I feel like I could get unstuck, live the life I want, and make an impact in the world.
You can do this, just as I and my clients have.
As a small step in that direction, I invite you to try listening to Shannon’s 10-minute guided exercise called "The Welcoming Practice" to begin to reduce your anxiety today. Click here for the audio file.
If you could relieve the impact of anxiety, fear, and worry on your life, would that help you to manifest the best year you’ve ever had? What if you could let go of the worry of making a mistake, looking foolish, or messing up a relationship with something you said or did?
Learning how anxiety works and understanding that you are not your thoughts allows you to skillfully identify and address anxiety so it doesn’t need to keep you from doing what you want to do.
What if there’s nothing wrong with the way you experience things? What if you only need the key to understanding your reactions to feel more confident?
Imagine what it would be like to feel that the highly sensitive ways you perceive the world are a valuable strength.
How would it feel to know that when you’re overstimulated by a situation, it's not because you're defective and inferior, but because you're perceptive and exquisitely tuned in?
What if the things that make you different were the things you loved most about yourself?
When I offer coaching to a potential client, anxiety or fear often pop up to "help keep them safe".
They say these are some of the things that go through their minds:
I’m worried I don't have enough time to be good at doing this work. I might not be able to keep up. Maybe it’s not the right timing for me.
This sounds good, but what if it’s not the right program for me? What if I get in there and I don’t like it? What if it doesn’t work for me? I’m just not sure, better to pass.
How will I justify the financial commitment to my partner? I can’t risk stressing the relationship. What will they think of me? I guess I just can't do it. But it seems so right, what if this is the thing that would really help me?
This is your anxious mind doing its best to keep you safe from something it perceives as a threat. But the more you listen to your heightened state of arousal telling you there's danger present, the more anxious you will be — and the less likely you'll be to take the risks necessary to live freely and follow your dreams.
I’m committed to helping women remove the roadblocks like anxiety that keep them from bringing their best selves and their true gifts to the world.
Is this the year you break the hold anxiety and his pals have had on you?
If you think about how you want this year to be different, your initial answers might read like a version of the American dream: get a better job, make more money, travel, get serious about exercise…
But is that what you really want — or what you’ve been conditioned to say? Chances are, those are standard answers given without much thought.
But if you're highly sensitive introvert, you’re not a standard person, and you don't thrive on standard anything.
You tend to be think deeply, analyze more, and (if given the time) will dig to discover your own unique answer.
One way to discover a truer answer is by checking in with your body. Your mind can fool you at times, but your body rarely lies.
Allow yourself to get quiet, relax, and close your eyes. Then pose the question, How do I want this year to be different?
Let yourself be more in your body than in your head. Tune into how it feels, just observe without thinking too much.
Gently notice what’s going on in your body: sensations, light, sound, color, words, images — anything. How does your body answer that question?
If you don’t get any information, that’s okay. This may be an unfamiliar way to communicate with yourself and will take some practice. I promise you, it’s well worth the time and effort to become attuned and to listen more carefully to your intuition.
How might your life be different if you stepped more fully into your authentic self? What does your wise self — that quiet voice within — have to say?
Jenn Granneman tells a story in The Secret Lives of Introverts: Inside Our Hidden World about when she was in eighth grade and found a T-shirt that said “Be as you are.”
Even though it was a size too small and her middle school friends couldn’t understand why she wore it, her intuition told her there was something about that message that held the secret to life.
Be as you are. Not who others want you to be. Not who you think you should be. Not who you’ll be when you finish your novel, receive that certificate, lose 10 pounds, move to a better part of the country, or find your true love.
Be as you are. Here and now. In this moment. In this lifetime.
How might your life be different if this was the year that you dug deep and found your truest self?
This week in the LOVE NOTE I sent out to my clients I shared a quote which resonated deeply with me, and I want to share it with you, too.
For some of us, it's hard to "be as we are" because we're out of practice being our authentic selves. If this is you, read on. This quote is from Emily McDowell, founder of the Emily McDowell Studio.
"Finding yourself" is not really how it works. You aren't a ten-dollar bill in last winter's coat pocket. You are also not lost.
I love this because it's a reminder that the new house, job, exercise routine, college degree — anything external — is not going to help you find happiness or be your best self.
Happiness comes from inside; it comes from “returning to yourself… and remembering who you were before the world got its hands on you.”
What if you hold the key to what you want — and you just need some help with the lock?
What if accepting your deepest and truest sense of self and appreciating all that you are was the important work of this year?
If you allowed yourself to believe that you can uncover your true self under all the cultural conditioning and false messages you've received, and accept that what you find is already good enough, what would that look like?
What would it feel like to give your authentic self unconditional love?
Are you ready to step into your best self?
If you're ready to let go of fear, worry, and limiting beliefs, and clarify your passions and dreams, I encourage you to join me and a small group of highly sensitive women for my individualized coaching program, REDISCOVER YOUR BEST SELF.
This can be your year to:
+ Get rid of anxiety, fear, & worry
+ Release limiting beliefs and unlock your true potential
+ Access a deep sense of self-worth
+ End the feeling of being 'different' with women who totally get you
+ Begin to use your inner wisdom
+ Treat your High Sensitivity as a strength
Curious how this could work for you? Schedule a free consult with me. We'll hop on the phone to see where you're at and where you want to be at the end the year. I'll offer you a personal plan for moving forward, and we'll see if REDISCOVER YOUR BEST SELF is a match — or not. Either way you'll have a plan to keep you going in the right direction.
There are spaces for just 10 women for this program and it will go out to a much wider audience on Monday, so I encourage you to take action now and find out if this is a fit for you.
With warmth and love,
P.S. Ready to say goodbye to fear and worry in 2019? Click below to schedule a time to talk. We'll see what's true for you, where you want to be, get you a plan for moving forward, and see if REDISCOVER YOUR BEST SELF is the right next step.
I've been wanting to make videos for a long time and finally realized that it was anxiety that kept me from moving forward with that project.
I'll tell you about the thoughts that kept me stuck and you'll learn about the three standards of anxiety that can hold us back:
Registration is closing soon for the Welcome Home to Your Self coaching program for women who are Sensitive Introverts.
Click HERE to get all the information about the program.
On the info page there is a section called "What if I'm still not sure?" In that section you can click on a link that takes you to my private calendar where you can choose a time that works for you and we'll hop on the phone and see if anxiety is holding you back, if this program is a good match, and if so, how we can make it work for you.
I look forward to talking with you!
To see what it's like to coach with me, schedule your complimentary wisdom card reading. Just click the button below and choose a time!